Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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