I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your penis caused this!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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