if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
