No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had sex on a roof
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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