So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
