i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
