Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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