I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
