Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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