He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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