You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Man, jail baloney is awful.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
