Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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