arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
