Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
