The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
