Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
