I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
