He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
