The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
