things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
