not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
