she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just had sex on a roof
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
