My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
