My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
