I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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