I cannot find my penis.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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