Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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