There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
