We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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