I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
