I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
