Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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