did you get engaged???
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
