ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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