I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
