then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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