I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
