I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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