Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
