Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
