I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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