He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
