Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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