Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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