You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's get the cat blown out
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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