Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would ride that face into the sunset
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
