u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
