You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
