My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
