just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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