When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
