i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
