I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
