hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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