I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
