he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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