if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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