worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
