we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're like the curious george of whores
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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