i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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