Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
