I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
