You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
