Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
