im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
