No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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