fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
