yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
