I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
