apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
