Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
