It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
