Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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