i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
