And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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