Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize