just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
