I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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