Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
