The maid of honor just puked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
