You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
