loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
