hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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