By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
